Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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