i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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