U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My bed smells like the plague
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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