my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
