Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
