her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
