Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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