my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
