you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize