what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
