I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
