OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
