Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
