If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
