ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
3pm strippers are depressing
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
