im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
