My first STD was from a foam party
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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