how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
