I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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