We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
