who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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