i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
