I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
