Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
porn star boner night. come get it.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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