i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
