I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
