My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
