So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
