we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize