Please, let me fuck your mom
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
