Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
