My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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