So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I think I just sharted jello shots
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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