Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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