I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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