just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
