remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
