Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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