Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
