After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Randomize
