I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
