p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
