i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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