im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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