He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
