my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
