the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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