mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize