First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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