The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
