: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
