Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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