The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
