she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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