Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
