I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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