Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize