he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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