omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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