some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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