Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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