Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
