Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
