The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
