There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
