well you can't waste a boner
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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