What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
